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previous ~ ~ ~ next For the longest time, I used to make my eights as two circles on top of each other. I didn't initially, you know. When I first started, I wrote it like any other kid, in one continuous line. I changed it, deliberately, when I was in the third grade. We'd moved in with Larry not too long before that and I wanted so badly to get his approval. He made his eights as two circles stacked on top of each other, not one continuous line. So I started consciously changing my eights. Why I thought that would help me get his approval, I have no idea. I was ten, ok? The funny thing is, when he noticed it (whatever else I may say about him, he was definitely observant), he seemed really pleased about it. I suppose most of us as adults are pleased when children mimic us. Assuming they're not mimicking us swearing or saying terrible things. I don't know why I thought of this a couple months ago, but since then, I've found myself trying to change back the way I write my eights. It wasn't exactly deliberate, but I would stop just before writing an eight (and you really have no idea how often you do that until you start paying attention to each one you write...) and make it as one continuous line. I guess on the surface it seems like a childishly defiant gesture. The funny thing is that it feels like a big step toward reclaiming who I am without Larry. Obviously I can't (and wouldn't really want to!) go back to being that 9-year-old girl I was before we moved in with Larry. But there are some essential things about me that were formed by then, a lot less fear of being hurt or ridiculed, and a lot more confidence in my abilities and dreams. None of those are bad things to try to recapture. Or at least re-examine. I guess it seems silly to think that, just by writing my eights differently, that would change anything. It's just... something tangible, I guess, that I can take back. If that makes any sense... How many days until finals? What was one good thing that happened today? Miscellaney: Tell me what you think. Ilsa :: Ilsa's Site �::Ilsa's Comment(s)�:: Symbols are very potent things. [2004-08-11 16:42:19] Tessa :: Tessa's Site �::Tessa's Comment(s)�:: This is very true. :) Even if I do feel a little silly for writing a whole post about figure 8's. :) [2004-08-16 15:34:54] Categories ~ ~ ~ Short Most recent: The REAL surprise party - Monday, Jul. 11, 2005 Still not here - Wednesday, Jul. 06, 2005 Moved - Thursday, Jun. 30, 2005 I survived - Thursday, Jun. 23, 2005 Go see her. Now. - Thursday, Jun. 02, 2005 |
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