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previous ~ ~ ~ next Hey Baby, I was thinking, earlier today, about how I started falling in love with you right about the same time I was coming to know God. I couldn't help but wonder why He arranged it that way. I mean, He could have set it up in a much easier fashion... you know, one at a time, which would have been infinitely easier to cope with. Instead, I found myself falling in love with you and God at the same time--which was, to say the least, a wee bit confusing. The more I thought about it today, though, the more I realized that, without falling in love with you, I couldn't possibly have loved God. Not to mention that without God loving me, I couldn't have known how to love you. That sounds like such a strange thing to say, but it's so very true. I mean... what experience did I have with love up to that point? The only things I knew were: That's why I got so angry, fought so hard when I felt myself falling in love with you. I knew it wasn't safe. I was positive that you would just hurt me... not to mention that, at that point, I had no intention of staying in California. And that, quite obviously, I wasn't a Christian so you had no intention of allowing us to start a relationship beyond being friends. So even if, by some miracle, none of the things on the list above happened or applied to you, I would still be hurt because I was going to leave. I almost wonder if God didn't use my distraction with you to kind of creep in unnoticed where I would have fought Him so much harder otherwise. But, without starting to feel safe in loving you, because you didn't do those things (although that terrified me on a completely different level, waiting for the shoe to drop), I couldn't have comprehended that God could love me without any conditions, without strings attached... and that He wouldn't abandon me. Because, when it comes right down to it, that's the piece that I really couldn't grasp. I just wanted to thank you, for being so patient with me, for loving me, for being so persistent in pointing me toward God. I know I get cranky and irritated and defensive sometimes (often) when you call me on the ways I'm not living up to what God has planned. Please don't stop doing that because you're right... or at least, if you're not, I ought to be able to explain it! I love you, and I treasure your closeness to God and your willingness to see Him in all things. Sometimes (often) I don't tell you, don't show you how very much I appreciate you. I just wanted to make sure you know. Love, Me. How many days until finals? What was one good thing that happened today? Miscellaney: Tell me what you think. Surveyed... actually, I think it's the first I've filled out! ~ ~ ~ Non Sequitur Most recent: The REAL surprise party - Monday, Jul. 11, 2005 Still not here - Wednesday, Jul. 06, 2005 Moved - Thursday, Jun. 30, 2005 I survived - Thursday, Jun. 23, 2005 Go see her. Now. - Thursday, Jun. 02, 2005 |
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