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previous ~ ~ ~ next For a friend who can't post it in her own spot. I'd give credit where it's richly due, but worry that it would cause the same problems she might have posting it herself. In Boston, when Nathan left and I was inconsolable, I moved in with my parents. And I wept all the time. At work, at home, in my dreams. I did a lot of screaming in the car. I did a lot of gagging on my incomprehension and grief. I tried really hard to hate but don't think I mastered it. My mother tried to comfort me, she said, "Maybe if you keep in contact with Nathan someday you can get back together." Now I think maybe I pinned my hopes to that. Driving across the country and arriving in Pasadena, as soon as he saw me face to face, Nathan grabbed me and kissed me frantically. Later he told me that he forgot how he felt about me until he saw me. After the subsequent reunions and break-ups, I did a lot of things to try to get over him or to try to find that love some place else. And I think that maybe that what I had was a "real love" and that the feelings I have had for other people were infatuations. I tried so hard to get over him by recognizing that for the love to be "real" it would have to be reciprocated. I told myself that Nathan couldn't have felt what I felt or he would have still wanted to be with me. Still later it seemed easy for him to talk about trouble finding a girlfriend. I gave him my best advice so that if what he wanted was to be in love with another woman, he could have that. How long will I resurrect this dead thing? How many days until finals? What was one good thing that happened today? Miscellaney: Tell me what you think. She taught me something ~ ~ ~ Oh, yeah... Most recent: The REAL surprise party - Monday, Jul. 11, 2005 Still not here - Wednesday, Jul. 06, 2005 Moved - Thursday, Jun. 30, 2005 I survived - Thursday, Jun. 23, 2005 Go see her. Now. - Thursday, Jun. 02, 2005 |
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