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previous ~ ~ ~ next It's funny, really, the things I find myself doing in Anthony's absence. Singing. Writing. Being very productive. Initially (well, in regards to the singing and the writing), I thought this was a bad sign. You know, the "real" me that I can't be around him... but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that that's who I used to be. And I used to sing to keep people away (so I wouldn't get hurt) and to keep myself from getting lonely because songs made me feel like I knew someone else, or touched a cord in me that made me feel like someone else knew me... without the attendant danger of them actually knowing me. And writing was a way to escape the real world, a place where I created the rules and didn't have to cope with random, inexplicable hurt or cruelty. Don't get me wrong, I love to write. I'm never so coherent as I am with pen and paper (or keyboard and monitor, for the most part these days!), and it's so liberating to be able to express myself exactly as I mean to the first time without fumbling for words or ideas the way I do when I speak. But I think that I stopped writing the stories so much because... I don't need to run away anymore. It's the same reason I don't want to go to the moon anymore... I've found home, and it's not scary, it's not bad, it's not traumatic. It's not smooth sailing or perfect bliss, either... but it's a hell of a lot closer to it than I ever dreamed about back when I was writing and singing to keep people away. It was just a very nice revelation this afternoon, to figure out that this wasn't a bad thing at all... How many days until finals? What was one good thing that happened today? Miscellaney: Tell me what you think. She-Ra, Princess of Power ~ ~ ~ Keeps disappearing for no apparent reason (pun not intended) Most recent: The REAL surprise party - Monday, Jul. 11, 2005 Still not here - Wednesday, Jul. 06, 2005 Moved - Thursday, Jun. 30, 2005 I survived - Thursday, Jun. 23, 2005 Go see her. Now. - Thursday, Jun. 02, 2005 |
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