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previous ~ ~ ~ next On the way home from work I picked up a pregnancy test kit. Every time I do this, I have this mantra I repeat to myself. "It would be a miracle if I was." Because it would be. I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, which, in my case, means I don't ovulate. At all. So, I take birth control to regulate everything. What it means, though, is that, unlike most girls, when my BC runs out, I don't have to abstain or rush to the doctor's office because we're not ready for kids yet. I don't ovulate. There is no chance of me getting pregnant. So sometimes I just wait a bit (like maybe 3 months) because I have other things going on. And, well, because BC can cause birth defects in unborn children, if I've waited an unreasonably long time before starting BC again, I do a pregnancy test, just to make sure. I haven't taken it yet. I don't have to wait until the morning, but that's the best timing for it, so, I just want to be sure. In the meantime, I keep repeating to myself that it's not possible, that it would be a miracle if it happened. In spite of myself, I can't help but hope. I know it's not going to happen but I still keep wondering what it would be like. And tomorrow morning, when I read it and it says I'm not pregnant... well, I'll probably cry. I guess I just wanted to share that because I feel like crying because it isn't possible, and I know I'm going to cry again in the morning. I just need to remind myself that it's important to check, even though it hurts. How many days until finals? What was one good thing that happened today? Miscellaney: Tell me what you think. solemne :: solemne's Site �::solemne's Comment(s)�:: Oh, honey... As stupid as it sounds, I wish that I could sit on a ceramic tub with you, and cry. [2004-08-05 22:55:28] Tessa :: Tessa's Site �::Tessa's Comment(s)�:: That's not stupid at all and it made me cry! Thank you. I needed that tonight. [2004-08-05 23:44:08] Ilsa :: Ilsa's Site �::Ilsa's Comment(s)�:: I'd be the third one to start screaming and whooping if you were pregnant, but I might also feel a little sad that your dreams would be put off for so many years. Tomorrow morning I'll cross my fingers for whichever way you want me to. I'm on your side. Solemne: I live close by, I could go sit in the edge of her tub for you but it'd make her husband real nervous to go into the bathroom first thing in the morning and see me sobbing in the tub. It's just not a good way to start the day. [2004-08-05 23:56:49] solemne :: solemne's Site �::solemne's Comment(s)�:: I say cry away. Sometimes it's just needed, regardless of who's watching. Tessa, sometimes I just shake my head when I read your entries. It seems that we share similar life events, and that is where the sense of connection comes from. We just express those events, and thoughts in completely different ways. Nonetheless, I feel the same as you, and sometimes it doesn't matter how far away people are to consider them friends. Your notes are never stupid! I always look forward to them, because like you said, they are helpful in the times you need them most. [2004-08-06 11:23:35] Tessa :: Tessa's Site �::Tessa's Comment(s)�:: I love you. Thank you for being so good to me. [2004-08-09 17:12:36] Fiddler On the Roof ~ ~ ~ Addendum Most recent: The REAL surprise party - Monday, Jul. 11, 2005 Still not here - Wednesday, Jul. 06, 2005 Moved - Thursday, Jun. 30, 2005 I survived - Thursday, Jun. 23, 2005 Go see her. Now. - Thursday, Jun. 02, 2005 |
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