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previous ~ ~ ~ next Ok, so I wrote this letter... back in mid-April. Alicia responded at the end of April. Below is what she wrote. I sent something back in mid-May, just before we moved. Except, stupid me, I didn't save it anywhere. She says she didn't get it. I don't know. From a hotmail address to a hotmail address?? It's not like there's much chance for misdirection. Anyway, here's what she wrote. (And no, I didn't edit anything, just copied and pasted, so if you object to spelling, etc., it's not my fault...) The next post will be my re-write of what I originally wrote. Tessa, for what it is worth I was thinking along the same lines a few days ago after watching the ya-ya sisterhood. However I was not sure how to bring it u[ or if it was even worth it. However it is out there so the least I owe you is to be honest with you as well as myself. We have faded into this grayness because we gave up on each other. The time I needed someone the most you left me hanging. I don't care what your reasons are for doing that it is all ready done. However I seen it as a convenient time for you to go ahead and walk something you where all reading intending to do. Because to be honest we where not talking or hanging together before that. Your choice you had made new friends that I never meet. Anyways when we did start talking you were always to busy for me. To busy to email or write letters or to even read the letters that I sent to you so I quite seeing the point. It felt like a one way road that I had already been done time and time again and always ended up in a place I didn't want to be. As for phone calls the calls it seemed you never had anything to say when you could but probably called out of guilt. I had to do all the talking just to have that time with you. You say I didn't get you well you never gave me the chance and you never tried to show me you just let it go. Besides it seemed like you never really cared what I was talking about be it my life or dreams or cares. To me all of this was a betrayal that I could not understand. We were so close you where the one person who knew me the best. The one who understood me and accepted me for who I was. The one person I could tell anything to and not be judged just understood and accepted. Do you have any idea what it felt like to have your friend dump you and leave you with out a word until what 6 mths later after they have left then not have time. It was almost not worth picking up the phone that first time around it probably would have hurt less then this did. However I will hand it to you that it may have been what was the best for you. No I don't understand it but there are several reasons for that. One my own issues with guys and letting someone in. Maybe that there lies a major problem I have yet to deal and become better or find that someone that is worth it...yes that is apart of it I am jealous. Oh well. Second you only called to tell me about the bad stuff that went one between the two of you never the good stuff. So sorry if I developed a biased opinion of him and the situation but considering can you blame me. Last you changed and so completely with timing being what it is it happened when he came into the picture. So forgive me if I have a hard to dealing with that but I will try to understand, but no promises it is hard to change ones feelings and opinions. So If you are still reading this remember that I always tell it like it is and you are right I never take that easy road out so I had to say what I felt. Even if it is not nice. I don't know what to say to you that will fix or change anything because you are right we don't know one another and the things we had in common we no longer have because I have not changed I am still me and that may because I already knew me or have yet to deal with a few things and let the walls down. Who knows if that is the case I may never be able to but that is a whole new letter. A letter I will share if we care to explore and see who we are and what can be salvaged from the ruins of our friendship. I hope that we will be able to but it may be awhile because these are issues that no one knows about and I am not sure if I will be comfortable even telling you for a while because we do not have what we used to have. But decide carefully if you want to do this because as you should know I am not as strong as I want everyone to believe and I don't know if I can handle starting out friendship to have it dropped again when it is not convenient at least not at this point in my life. If this is what is in store maybe we are better off where we stand now but without the pretending that nothing is different between us because we both know that that is not true. Take your time and take care hopefully I will hear from you soon. Alicia How many days until finals? What was one good thing that happened today? Miscellaney: Tell me what you think. Blogger and Taliarant ~ ~ ~ Price of Friendship Most recent: The REAL surprise party - Monday, Jul. 11, 2005 Still not here - Wednesday, Jul. 06, 2005 Moved - Thursday, Jun. 30, 2005 I survived - Thursday, Jun. 23, 2005 Go see her. Now. - Thursday, Jun. 02, 2005 |
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