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previous ~ ~ ~ next You know, it's strange... but I was thinking today, about that post I made yesterday, about figure 8's and not wanting to go back to the 9 year old girl I was. And I was thinking, if I could, would I go back and change it, make it different so that I wasn't abused. And I was shocked to find myself thinking "no". I mean... it's abuse. It shouldn't happen. So, given the chance to go back and stop it, why wouldn't I immediately want to do so? But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that, in a strange way, it's become a blessing. Now, now, put away those straight-jackets. I mean it. I've come to the point now, 4 � years after it's stopped, where I am so much stronger; I am so different from the girl I was, and everything that happened to me has helped me to be who I am today. Without Larry abusing me, how compassionate would I have been? How much would I have loved children? How mothering and protective would I be? How many friendships would have never been established? And how many of the friendships I did have would've been completely superficial? How much more selfish would I have been if I hadn't been hurt so badly? I don't know if that last one makes sense to anyone else, but... the thing is, because I got hurt, I then had the capacity to see hurt in others. I was able not just to sympathize but to empathize with them. Because of that, first of all, some of my most amazing friendships have started, and second of all, it's helped to make me a genuinely caring person. I wouldn't be me without all of that. Don't get me wrong. I would never, ever, ever subject a child to abuse. Ever. And if I see it, I report it. Please don't misunderstand. I just think it's an amazing thing that God has done for me. What used to be a source of shame and self-hatred has turned into something... well, not something wonderful, but a blessing all the same. How many days until finals? What was one good thing that happened today? Miscellaney: Tell me what you think. solemne :: solemne's Site �::solemne's Comment(s)�:: I agree whole-heartedly with the comment you left on my diary. I think that I might not even send it to her. Just writing it and getting it out will probably be enough. Thanks for the advice though, it IS appreciated!!! [2004-08-13 18:33:54] Short ~ ~ ~ Nice call Most recent: The REAL surprise party - Monday, Jul. 11, 2005 Still not here - Wednesday, Jul. 06, 2005 Moved - Thursday, Jun. 30, 2005 I survived - Thursday, Jun. 23, 2005 Go see her. Now. - Thursday, Jun. 02, 2005 |
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