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previous ~ ~ ~ next So, I didn't really comment on this when I posted it because I was still trying to cope and figure everything out. Aside from the sanctimonious bits... she does have a point. I needed to say a lot of the things I said... but they could've been said in a nicer way. I don't know. Some part of me is irritated because... because I feel like all the points I made, about how she's the only one allowed to be angry at me (wait... did I even MAKE any of those points? Ok, maybe not, but I was thinking them) are pretty much upheld by that response. At the same time, I can see what she's talking about and how hurtful some of that was. But she didn't care that she was being hurtful to me originally. She said she was just being "honest". Well, there's a difference between being open and being brutal. But just because she was mean doesn't mean I can be mean. (Too many mean's in there...) I think the bit where she's talking about "some of the stuff you said makes me think you didn't know me even back then" is about where I was trying to tell her that I needed reassurance from her, that I felt like she didn't care about our friendship. That I felt like I was the only one trying, and that, by her refusing to call me, it seemed more and more as if that feeling was correct. And I don't think she got that at all... which makes me immensely sad. I feel like I'm having to fight for this friendship--if it even is a friendship right now--every inch of the way. I don't feel like any of this is easy. And I guess... I never really expected friendships to be easy, because relationships just AREN'T. But I also didn't think it would feel like walking across broken glass to try to put something back together again. There's a horribly stubborn part of me that wants to keep on walking even though my feet feel bloodied and torn. And there's a part of me that doesn't know how to step away from it all at this point, anyway, other than to ignore e-mails, and that seems like the coward's way out. And there's a part of me that says that, if we have to fight this hard to re-establish any kind of friendship... well there's a part that says, "Is it worth it?" and there's a part that says, "it'll be really, really strong if we can get past this." I don't really know what I feel right now. Not that I'm asking anyone to tell me how I feel, but... if you were in my shoes (or metaphorical bloodied bare feet), what would you do? How many days until finals? Still 100! Wow! What was one good thing that happened today? Still 37, which means I REALLY gotta get my butt in gear Miscellaney: My husband is cooking for me. How awesome is that?!? Tell me what you think. cat :: cat's Site �::cat's Comment(s)�:: I can never remember who's to be credited for this quote, but I've loved it since Mom first presented it to me: "Honesty without compassion is brutality." I honestly don't know how you *should* deal with the situation Tess...I have an *idea* of what I *might* do in the same situation, but it's very easy to stand outside it and say: "I would do..." when one isn't right in the thick of things. Since you're in conflict over how you should procede I would only suggest that you let yourself be still and let your heart tell you what's BEST FOR YOU. (I know, not too cheesy or fence-sitter-ish, eh)? If you ever need someone to talk to, I'd be happy to give you my phone #. In fact, I'll send it to you in an "e" right now. (I'd say: "let's chat online," but I'm having some problems with swelling in my hands at the moment from so much (unergonomic) typing)! I really do want things to work out in the best way possible for you and Alicia. *Hugs* [2004-09-26 04:14:58] solemne :: solemne's Site �::solemne's Comment(s)�:: sometimes there are moments when one must fight for what is important in life, like friendships...and there are other times when you have to sit back and observe the path that is naturally occuring. What is meant to happen, will... In the end, it will work out, whether it ends up the way that you would like, or plan for it to be, or if its something totally different. Sorry, i'm blabbing...Just catching up :) [2004-10-04 18:48:49] Jumbled together with no rhyme or reason... ~ ~ ~ Snrk! Most recent: The REAL surprise party - Monday, Jul. 11, 2005 Still not here - Wednesday, Jul. 06, 2005 Moved - Thursday, Jun. 30, 2005 I survived - Thursday, Jun. 23, 2005 Go see her. Now. - Thursday, Jun. 02, 2005 |
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